My Best Friend’s Friend Dick

There are two favorite chairs in the living room at Dick and Rose’s house.  I have seen them and I can confirm that they are more than perfect.  Comfortably aged, perfectly shaped for their owner and, as a tribute to how Dick and Rose spent their lives, right next to each other.

Heidi had been vibrating with excitement on the day she would introduce me to the couple that had become her home-away-from-home parents when she was in college.  She had not had the opportunity to see them in quite some time and she was filled with anticipation.  I was about to meet two very special people that would immediately have an impact on my life.

The first time I met Dick and Rose was at a restaurant. Dick promptly ordered what I would argue is the best cocktail ever devised.  A Crown 7.  I can taste one now.  He was obviously an outgoing person with a warm and deeply human personality.  I couldn’t help but like him immediately.  Dick even insisted on paying for my dinner so how could I complain!  When we parted company later that evening, I was already looking forward to the next meeting.

I have met many people throughout my life and have been affected by these meetings in a variety of ways.  Sometimes I meet someone, exchange names, share a handshake and in the very next moment, I cannot remember their name.  Other times, I have that very same experience and the handshake is but a beginning to a life long friendship.

The meetings and greetings that fascinate me are with the people I immediately feel like I have known for a long time.  I have not had these experiences often and I have never been quite sure what to attribute them to but I feel particularly blessed by them and I most definitely feel blessed that I can say I knew Dick.

I am writing about Dick today because I recently had the privilege to raise a glass in his honor and say good-bye.  Dick passed away, a victim of Cancer, just one day after his birthday and a few weeks shy of Thanksgiving Day, 2012.  He enjoyed a long and fruitful life, moving on at the age of 84.

There is a very special place in “downtown” Bemidji called The Elk’s Lodge.  Dick spent much of his life as a patron of The Lodge, including two stints as the Exalted Ruler of Elks.  In a way there was a piece of his heart and soul invested in the spirit of The Elk’s Lodge. 

The Lodge is not a fancy place. It does not have a neon sign above the entrance and you would drive right by it if you weren’t paying attention.  If it was in Hollywood, the so called “beautiful people” wouldn’t be hanging out there.  But, without any uncertainly, I would be hanging out there because the true beautiful people, like Dick, hung out there. It is one of those places where you feel a special energy in the atmosphere.

Please, don’t tell Dick I called him “beautiful!”

My first experience at The Lodge was Dick and Rose’s 60th Wedding celebration which was a grand occasion for all who attended.  Heidi, her Mother and I made the trek to Bemidji so we could attend.  We looked at pictures listened to stories laughed together and celebrated a special wedding anniversary for a special couple.

My next experience at The Lodge was a celebration of Dick’s life.  Once again, Heidi, her Mother and I made the trek to Bemidji so we could attend.  We looked at pictures, listened to stories laughed together and also shed some tears together as we celebrated the special life of a special man.

Dick hated funerals and he insisted that his friends and family would not be obligated to attend one in his honor.  His request was his family and friends gather together at The Elk’s Lodge to celebrate his life.  Dick demanded, “No one will pay for their drinks!”  No one did.

Dick’s daughter Kathy spent hours putting together picture boards for all of us to enjoy and I am certain everyone did.  She did a marvelous job of showing us the different facets of who Dick was and I can tell you by some of those pictures, the man could be quite the “ham” at times.  There was one picture where he was in some sort of sheet, toga type thing and all I could think was “I’m kind of glad I didn’t have to see that live and in person..”

My favorite tribute in pictures was at the tables.  Each table had a different framed photo of Dick and Rose.  I found this detail to be a particularly touching.  Rose and Kathy sent us home with one of the pictures and Heidi and I were excited to add it to our picture wall.  As I was thanking them for the picture I commented that Heidi and I had a very special place for it in our home.  Rose, with her ever so special sense of humor fully in tact said “Where’s that, in the bathroom?”  We all laughed good and hard at that comment.

Dick was a veteran of the Korean War and there was a short ceremony conducted by military personnel that included Dick’s life long friend Joe. The ceremony touched us all deep down.  It included a 21 gun salute, the playing of Taps and a ceremonious folding of the flag that included a reading I have never witnessed before.  I found reference to it and although I cannot attest to the following words being exactly what was said, they gather the spirit and intent of the flag folding at Dick’s celebration of life.

Symbols for the Folds of the Flag

The first fold of our flag is a symbol of life.

The second fold is a symbol of our belief in eternal life.

The third fold is made in honor and remembrance of the veteran departing our ranks, and who gave a portion of his or her life for the defense of our country to attain peace throughout the world.

The fourth fold represents our weaker nature; as American citizens trusting in God, it is to Him we turn in times of peace, as well as in times of war, for His divine guidance.

The fifth fold is a tribute to our country, for in the words of Stephen Decatur, “Our country, in dealing with other countries, may she always be right, but it is still our country, right or wrong.”

The sixth fold is for where our hearts lie. It is with our heart that we pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America, and to the republic for which it stands, one nation under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all.

The seventh fold is a tribute to our armed forces, for it is through the armed forces that we protect our country and our flag against all enemies, whether they be found within or without the boundaries of our republic.

The eighth fold is a tribute to the one who entered into the valley of the shadow of death, that we might see the light of day, and to honor our mother, for whom it flies on Mother’s Day.

The ninth fold is a tribute to womanhood, for it has been through their faith, love, loyalty and devotion that the character of the men and women who have made this country great have been molded.

The 10th fold is a tribute to father, for he, too, has given his sons and daughters for the defense of our country since he or she was first born.

The 11th fold, in the eyes of Hebrew citizens, represents the lower portion of the seal of King David and King Solomon and glorifies, in their eyes, the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob.

The 12th fold, in the eyes of a Christian citizen, represents an emblem of eternity and glorifies, in their eyes, God the Father, the Son and Holy Ghost.

When the flag is completely folded, the stars are uppermost, reminding us of our national motto, “In God We Trust.”

At the end of the ceremony, Rose was presented with the folded flag by Joe and she was also handed 21 empty shell casings.  Poor Rose was shaking with emotion and her fragile but elegant hand was not capable of managing all the shell casings.  A few of them fell from her hand and pinged off the tile floor of the hall.  The room was still completely silent and the shell casings sounded like miniature choral bells chiming in the wind.

I looked over at Heidi and her Mother and they were both fighting back tears.  I do not particularly enjoy seeing Heidi cry but I was relieved that she had finally had an opportunity to grieve for someone that she had so much love for.

Rose came to our table later in the evening to spend some time with us and I would say, by the look on her face, to get a moments rest.  She looked tired.  Not sleepy tired, but a tired that you sometimes see in a person’s face that says, I need all this to stop pretty soon.

Once seated, a brightness appeared in her face.  I have seen this before and I attribute it to her love for Heidi.  She lights up when she is around the person she affectionately refers to as her “other daughter”.  She graciously gave Heidi one of the shell casings from Dick’s 21 gun salute.  A treasure that will harbor a special place in our home.

I learn something new about Rose.  She is a wonderful story teller and she proceeds to lead us through the last few days of Dick’s life.

I think there are certain cases, for all I know maybe it is even in all cases, where a person knows their time in this life is coming to an end and they begin preparations.  Rose told a story about Dick that I think may be one of the best stories I have ever heard.  I will not even be able to come close to doing the story justice but I will do my best to relate it here.

I also want to disclose that I have taken certain liberties with quotations and names in my attempt to relate the story in a meaningful way.  I am certain I do not have the details in perfect order I only hope that I have captured the spirit of the story in the way Rose was so graciously able to do for me and I truly hope I can give you some idea of the remarkable person Dick was.

Dick had been undergoing chemo-therapy treatments to battle his cancer.  The chemo had taken a heavy toll on Dick’s overall health and he was to the point where tasks such as driving were not advised by his doctors.

On the Friday before he died, Dick got up from his favorite chair and began riffling though the house looking for something.  This of course caught Rose’s attention and she proceeded to get up from her favorite chair to find out what the heck Dick was up to.

As Dick moved from room to room and closet to closet, muttering under his breath about completing his quest, Rose was eventually able to ascertain what Dick was looking for.  He was trying to find a very special hunting gun that he owned and a tackle box that he had purchased years ago.

Rose at this point was confused by the sudden passion with which Dick needed to find these two obscure items that had not been participants in any conversation of late and she followed him around the house asking for more information to help her understand.

At last, the location of both items was revealed and just as Rose was preparing to settle back down in her favorite chair, Dick started to get a jacket on while declaring he was driving himself out to Deer Camp.

“Deer Camp?” Rose exclaimed.  “What on earth do you need to go out to Deer Camp tonight for!”   Dick replied, “I want to give this gun to Jim and I want to give this tackle box to Don.”

Rose of course began reasoning with Dick.  “It is dark out and getting late and you cannot drive yourself out there.”  Let’s go together tomorrow in the daylight.”

Dick became adamant that he was going to Deer Camp, he was going tonight and he would drive himself if Rose wouldn’t take him!

After further discussion, Rose eventually gave in and agreed to take Dick out to Deer Camp where Jim and Don were deer hunting.

Getting to Deer Camp presented itself with several challenges starting with the fact that Dick didn’t really know how to get there.  What you might consider even worse is he sort of knew where it was.

Now I might be a cynic and all (I have been told this once or twice) but I think it is better to not have any idea at all where you are going than to have sort of an idea.  When you don’t know at all, you tend to ask questions and gather information before leaving.  When you sort of know, you tend to take off driving and just assume you will figure it out.  The first example takes way less time.  I also think that this might be a “guy thing.”

Anyway, back to Rose’s story.  When you live in Northern Minnesota and you are heading out to a location referred to by the locals as Deer Camp, you do not turn your GPS on and then proceed to the next freeway entrance ramp.  It works more like this.  Hang a right on the dirt road just past Tollefson’s resort and look for the Swenson farm on the right.  At the second corn field, take a left.... etc. Oh, yah, guess how many street lamps are illuminating your surroundings.  None!

After many twists and turns and even a cell phone call or two, Rose faithfully delivers her loving confidant to Deer Camp where they find Dick’s friends preparing for their evening meal.

Dick gets out of the car and gets right down to business.  He grabs the gun he brought, presents it to Jim and tells Jim he would like him to have the gun.  Then he grabs the tackle box and presents it to Don.  However, this presentation goes a little bit differently.  “Don, I would like you to have this tackle box but you owe me one dollar for it.”

Rose is immediately concerned about Dick’s behavior and she jumps in.  “Dick, what are you talking about?  You are giving the gun to Jim but you are charging Don a dollar for the tackle box?”

Dick replied to the whole group.  “The gun was given to me a long time ago so I am re-gifting the gun but I paid good money for that tackle box and I’ll be darned if I am going to give it away without getting anything for it”

Don promptly pulled his wallet out and completed the transaction.  Everyone at Deer Camp had a good laugh.  I think Dick enjoyed making everyone laugh and smile just as much if not more that he enjoyed passing along the gifts.

I could not help but to laugh and smile while at the same time have a slight tear in my eye when I heard the story.

The dollar still sits in the same location that Dick put it in when they got home.  Rose is going to find a special location for that dollar to commemorate a special occasion in a special man’s life.

Two days later, the following Sunday, Rose once again was taking Dick on a ride but this time it was for a different reason.  Dick was not feeling well and he told Rose it was time to go to the hospital.  Dick passed away 5 days later.

There remains two favorite chairs in the living room at Dick and Rose’s house.  One of them spends the majority of its time empty but in time, that will be ok.  When someone else sits in it, they will be sitting in Dick’s chair.  He couldn’t take it with him, but just like the tackle box dollar,  it will always belong to him.

I suspect Jim will never refer to the gun as “my gun” but will always tell the person next to him, “this is the gun Dick gave me.”  Don on the other hand can look at his fishing buddy and say, “Do you remember Dick?  That S.O.B. made me pay him a dollar for this thing!”  Then they will laugh a good laugh, look up in the sky, silently send a greeting to Dick and go back to fishing.

I have Dick and Rose to thank for what feels like a million memories given to me in a very short period of time.  I too will look up in the sky periodically and send a greeting to my best friend’s friend Dick.